


The Captain and His Soldier

by seasaltmemories



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, F/M, One Shot Collection, occasionally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 7,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5137952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltmemories/pseuds/seasaltmemories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of Rivetra oneshots</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dead Wrong

He had been dead wrong for thinking she was his. Levi had just always assumed that when it came to Petra. Even though they had agreed their relationship was purely physical, there had been something more. The little looks she gave him, the way she would whisper, would moan his name, and how she held him when they slept, there was more than just what they had said. And Petra wasn't the only one. Levi would decide to make her laugh for no reason, return a small smile to her gigantic one, and steal sweet kisses from her. No, there was more to their relationship than normal "fuck buddies".

But Levi had missed her. All those times, he could have said he cared, he uttered nothing. When she said, "I missed you," He would just look away. When "I love you," nearly forced itself out of his throat, he would bite his tongue til it bleed. "I love you" meant you cared. It meant you mattered the most to them, and Levi couldn't admit that. It meant he was human, something he couldn't let be known. He was Humanity's Strongest, not a person, but a symbol. He couldn't love her, because that meant putting Petra before Humanity. So he relished the small touches she gave him, the feel of her body pressed against his. As long as Petra was with him, he could deal with it.

Stupid him for thinking like that. For thinking she would be satisfied with a relationship like that. She never told him. Just one day, she stopped coming at night. And Levi hadn't worried, after all they were busy people. But then he saw them. A soldier from the Garrison running his hand through her hair. He would steal kisses from her instead, make her laugh at his bad jokes. And Levi couldn't bring himself to feel jealous. They had agreed, no strings attached. Still, whenever Petra smiled at the man instead of him, all Levi could think was how the fuck could he had let her get away.


	2. Aubade

For Levi, mornings are the best and worst time. Mornings were tiring, the sun was too bright and it marked another day of death and destruction. However, this was all made up by the fact he got to wake up next to Petra.

She's barely awake, hair sticking everywhere, eyes half shut. She's a mess, but he can't help but think she's an adorable mess. A sleepy smile crosses her face as she recognizes him.

"Morning L," she yawns before pecking him on the cheek and resting her head on his chest. The act is so simple, almost sickening in its domesticity but Levi wouldn't trade it for the world.

"Morning Petra," He plants a kiss on her forehead and runs a hand through her hair. It seems to have a pacifying effect on her. Levi feels her start to drift back to sleep. And it's so stupid, irresponsible, and so many other things. The squad is probably wondering where they are, but for a moment they just try to forget. Forget the fighting, the death, and the harsh reality. They're content in their little bubble of quietude, and for the millionth time Levi wishes it could always be like this, to have these little mornings to themselves. It could have been hours, it could have been seconds, all Levi knows is it's to soon when he feels Petra stir.

"We should get going." Though her tone is gentle, her gaze is clear. And Levi wants to whine like a child whose has to share his toy. For out there they're only captain and soldier, none of these moments exist. No one knows how she kisses him, or how he's plagued by nightmares without her by his side. No one has a clue how many times he worries she'll come to her senses and leave him for good.

But Petra is unrelenting. She's nobody's toy, and they have to face the world outside their bubble sooner or later.

"It can't last forever." It's only six syllables, but he feels like he's been slapped. Of course it can't last forever. He knows sooner or later one of them will die, that this could be their last day together. But that's why he's so eager to ignore reality. All he wants is to flick off the world and hide here where it's safe.

Petra is waiting, she knows he dreams of a simpler life, one where their biggest problem is the rude neighbors. But she's a realist. They've already chosen this path, no time for ifs, ands, or buts.

"Levi," For one word it holds so many things, hope, regret, longing. But he knows what must be done. Silently he gets up.

Lights blind him and Levi's first reaction is to check the other side of the bed. As expected, no one is there, it had only been a dream. Now Levi remembers why he hates mornings. Mornings are when he loses Petra again.


	3. Let's Meet Again

Levi wasn't one to believe in superstitions and the like. All his life he had seen people cling to their beliefs in hope it would save them from the suffering of this world. It never did, they bled and died just like the others. But that doesn't stop others from asking him.

"Hey L?" Petra calls out in the dead of night. Levi rolls over to face her.

"What?"

"Can't sleep," She propped her head up on her arms.

"You're gonna need it tomorrow."

"I just can't calm my brain down," Petra ignored his last remark. "Do you believe in soulmates?"

"No," Levi was trying to shut the conversation down, but Petra wouldn't have it.

"It's a pretty thought. Someone who no matter when or where will always find you." She rolled back on her back and stared at the ceiling above. "A person you'll always love regardless of the situation."

"It is pretty, but like you said it's just a thought." He grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Go to sleep, we got a big expedition tomorrow."

"Alright," Petra sighed before returning a squeeze. "Night, L."

"Night, Petra."

* * *

A man stands over an empty grave. Placing a bouquet of flowers down in front of it, he studies the eight letters.

"Petra Ral," He whispers it like a prayer. Memories of their last night float through his mind.

"I hope you were right, I won't say goodbye, but see you later. Let's meet again."


	4. We Did It

Levi never thought he'd see this day, he doubted this day would ever come. Erwin drones about Humanity winning and other shit, but he doesn't listen. All he can do is smile, because they've finally won.

"Levi?" It's strange hearing her use his name in public, but her voice is music to his ears.

"Petra!" He searches for her copper hair, and once he spots her, he runs. He runs despite how every muscle in his body aches, despite how unprofessional this is. The two collide into each other, embracing as if they hadn't seen each other in years. They laugh, awkward but joyful for they survived.

"Hey L," Petra whispers, slowly touching her forehead to his. Hazel eyes glitter with excitement. "We did it!"

"We did it!" He repeats, unable to wipe the grin off his face. "We did it!"

Levi feels the presence of others watching them, but he doesn't care. They can go fuck themselves because all he can think about is the woman he adores is standing before him.

"Petra," He's being stupid and reckless, but he can't stop himself. "Marry me,"

"I will Levi," He can tell she relishes saying his name like that now. "I will."

Joy like never before overtakes him, and Levi spins Petra around in the air before pulling her in for a kiss. It's messy and careless, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

"I love you," Gray eyes shine like silver. "I. Love. You." He punctures every word with a kiss and hopes soon he'll be able to do this everyday.


	5. From Head to Toe

I got scars, lots of them." Levi sighed.

"That's alright," Petra replied as she traced one going down Levi's abdomen. "I got them too,"

"I break everything I touch, all I bring is death."

"Even so these hands also save countless lives." She moved to hold her hands in his, warm as the sun and just as radiant.

"I don't know anything about love, I don't even know if I can love anymore,"

"Then I'll teach you," She let go of one of his hands and traces a heart where his should be. "We'll take it one day at a time, we'll go at your pace." For a second, Levi wanted to believe her, believe he could be happy with her, but those things weren't for him.

"I curse way too much,"

"Your shitty mouth suits me just fine," She gave him a gentle peck on the lips, giggling and smiling so easily.

"I've seen terrible things, so many I'm not sure if I'll cry if I lose you."

"I don't care about your tears." Now Petra leaned forward to kiss his eyelids. "I don't love them, I love you." Those words pieced him, he felt himself weakening.

"I have horrible dreams, I barely sleep cause I'm afraid one day I won't be able to just wake up to escape my nightmares." Levi was grasping for something, anything, to keep her away from the monster he was.

"Then I'll stay up with you," This time she bent to kiss his forehead. "And we'll talk and talk til you fall asleep, and then I'll hold you and guard you from any demons that try to touch you." With those words, all his defenses shattered.

"You promise?" It came out in a whisper, barely audible but holding so much hope.

"Yes Levi," Petra boldly, stared at him, like a fierce war goddess ready to defend what was her's. "And if you need me to, I'll tell you every night, anytime you need to be reassured. Ok?" Levi tried to look away, but she made him look her in the eye as well.

"Ok," His voice trembled but his resolve was made.

"Good," Her smile blinded him. "Let's go to sleep," And so they did. Just as she said, she held him all through the night, and the nightmares never came to haunt, for she was there.


	6. Impossible Hopes

Levi doesn't sleep most nights, anyone could tell by the constant bags under his eyes. Before, nights were long, cold, and lonely, but now she's here, and things are more bearable.

Petra's asleep, hands curled around his waist, and forehead slightly touching his. Her hair's as neat as a rat's nest, and she's drooling on his pillow, but Levi thinks she's absolutely gorgeous.

For the millionth time, he wonders if this is a dream, for her loving him is too good to be true. She's an angel from above, gracefully smiteing titans, and he's but a mere mortal blinded by her presence. Still she loves him, and he loves her for how could he not?

Before the nights were filled with depressing thoughts and nightmares, but now they're filled with impossible hopes and impossible dreams. Of him buying a little house in the woods, a ring to go along with it. Then instead of waking up for another doomed expedition, they'd run. They'd live in their little house, and finally they'd be free. And they'd won't need to be anything, just happy and together. Maybe one day there would be little brats running out.

"Levi?" Petra groans tiredly, as her eyelids slowly flutter open. "What's going on?"

For a minute he's tempted to share his dream, to convince her to run and not worry about titans anymore. But slowly, reality sinks back in. His dreams are only that, dreams.

"Nothing, go back to sleep," He kisses her heavy eyelids til they close. Those things are in the end only dreams. He has more important things to worry about, like Eren and the expedition tomorrow.

* * *

Levi doesn't sleep much still, but that's not important. What's important is he's found her again.

"Petra," He whispers it like a pray as he wraps his arms around her waist, as he's done countless times before.

"I can't believe it's really you," Amber eyes glow with love. Despite the lack of taunt muscles, of scars, and different names, they're both still themselves. They're still the Levi and Petra of the past.

"Promise me this is real." He worries, because too many times this moment has haunted his dreams.

"I can't promise you anything, but I know this." Tenderly she presses her forehead against his again. "If I'm dreaming, there's no way in hell I'm waking up."

Maybe this is impossible, but Levi doesn't care, maybe they won't get the house in the woods with brats running around, for now her touch is all he needs to believe.


	7. The Deafening Whisper

Everywhere he goes he's reminded of her. That's where she used to cook for the squad after a hard day of training, there's where she kissed him in the middle of the night, and here's where she whispered her dreams of little children and peace.

Petra leaves a gaping hole in his heart, but at the same time her presence is suffocating him. He can't breathe for her ghost haunts his every move, quietly, telling him cruel things.

"I would be here, if you had saved me."

"It's all your fault,"

"You break everything you touch." It makes Levi want to scream, it makes him want to cry. How can he yearn to escape from Petra when at the same time he's desperate to hear her footsteps again?

To hear her laugh, hear her scold Auruo. He wants the real Petra back, the one full of life and love. Not this imitation that reeks of the dead.

Still her voice doesn't relent in her torturing. "You think you knew me, but you didn't. I despised you, every time you touched me I had to keep from shuddering." Levi feels like he's going mad, again as he has before and before.

The bottle becomes his only protection against her. For a few hours she shuts up and Levi gets the closest he can to peace. But in the morning her insults rain down harder than before.

"Idiot. Weak. Spineless coward you don't deserve the title Humanity's Strongest." Eventually he can't discern her voice from his own.

But Levi is a fighter, so he fights, despite the knowledge he realizes he's breaking. Erwin still needs him, Hanji too, and of course the brats. So he fights and he fights til he's a shell of his former self. And before he knows it the walls crumble before him, and he hears cheering in the distance.

His job his done, for once Petra is silent, giving him a minute of solitude. "I did it, Petra." He says out loud, for in the end she never died. No instead of breaking him by leaving, she's breaking him by staying."

"Are you proud of the blood on your hands?" She sneers at his victory.

"No, but I'm gonna fix that." He's been prepared for this day for years, and his body moves on instinct.

"You can't bring back the dead, they'll still be dead no matter what you do."

"I thought the same, but apparently you've proven me wrong, bitch."

"Don't lie to yourself, Levi." Her voice used to soothe him, all those years before. Now all he feels when he hears it is rage.

"Goodbye Petra, if I end up in Hell, I'll be sure to visit you." Levi pulls the trigger, and now he finally gets his silence, forever.


	8. Rebirth

Death doesn't know why they care to remember that pair of lovers. Fated to never both live to old age, it's nothing new. They vaguely recalls another set of blonds that are always on opposing sides yet still fall for each other.

Nevertheless they intrigue them, for what reason they don't know. Still they recount the various lives the souls led.

One where the copper one sailed the seas and the raven one was his lover. The copper died in a shipwreck, leaving her to wait the rest of her life for him.

One where the raven one stole whatever he wished. The copper one was his partner in crime, and none of their underlings dare protest two men in love. The copper one was shot during a bank robber, a fitting end for a criminal.

One where things were simple and the souls met while in college. The copper one studied dance and wished she could actually dance for a living. The raven one studied French, the tongue of her ancestors. They were happy for a long time, even got married. Still fate changed for no one.

The copper one died in a car crash, violence following them regardless of their current life.

And now, Death followed the souls to their current lives. They were both soldiers, the raven one Captain and the copper one Cadet. Still that didn't stop their love, and right now they slept, content in each other arms.

It was so easy to believe that maybe in this life, the lovers would get peace.

But it was a lie.

Violence always followed the copper's end, leaving the raven to regret how they might have been able to stop it.


	9. Collarbone Kiss

Levi's a man of few words. Most assume when Petra says that, she means he's stoic and antisocial. And while these things aren't entirely untrue, she's not saying he never talks.

In fact for a man like him he talks a lot: of the weather, new strategies, mindless chatter to fill up the hours. She knows he's self-conscious about many of his traits, so he works harder than most assume to connect with the squad.

Despite all this, he spoke few words of importance. When matters of importance were concerned, it'd be easier killing a titan then getting him to open his mouth.

But in the dark dreaminess of the night, when his lips hover ever so slightly over her collarbone, Petra hears three words.

"I love you." As soon as they are spat out, they are we replaced with a flurry of butterfly kisses, traveling down the rest of her body.

And even though he can't see her face at the moment, Petra smiles.


	10. Laughing All the Way

Levi likes to think he's a chill boyfriend. He doesn't make a big deal out of minor problems, honestly there's so many other things that are more important in the grand scheme of things. But he has to admit this is pretty ridiculous.

"You want to do what?" Levi raises an eyebrow at Petra's request.

"Just let me borrow your pocket." She repeats, waving her hands around wildly. "I forgot my gloves, and my jacket doesn't have any." She speaks matter-of-factly, like this isn't odd at all.

"Petra it's been snowing for a week now, why would you wear something without pockets?" They were supposed to go sledding with Auruo, Gunther, and Erd, but for the last ten minutes they've been stuck at the top of the hill, due to her negligence.

"Blame the female fashion industry." She brings her hands to her face and blows gently, trying to stop them from going numb. "I wanted to look cute, but forgot Hanji still has my gloves from last year."

Levi groans when he hears their name. For his best friend, they had a horrible habit of making life harder on him.

"Well just take my hoodie then," He moves to take off the garment, but Petra gestures for him to stop.

"Don't do that, then you'll be cold, and I'll feel like a horrible girlfriend." She sighs, as she shakes her hands some more, trying to warm them up. "Just let me borrow your pocket."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"This." She sticks her hands in his pockets, and a dreamy expression spreads across her face. "Ahhh, so warm." She sighs again, but this time more contently. It was kinda crowded sticking two pairs of hands in one space, but it was pleasant.

"Just one question." Petra looks up, hazel eyes filled with intrigue. "How are we going to do anything like this?"

"Simple." She beams. "Like this." She grabs his hands in the pocket, causing him to hiss at their coldness.

"Don't be such a baby."

"I'm not, you're freezing me."

"Haha." She deadpans. "Now come on!" She drags him over to where a few of the sleds sat all while keeping her hands inside their bubble of warmth. They must have made a strange sight, with Petra walking backwards and all.

"Here we can use this!" She nods her head in the direction of one of those disks meant for sledding.

"I'm still confused."

"Aren't you always?"

"Shut up." But there's no malice in Levi's insult.

"We just sit like this." She pulls him down so they were sitting across from each other, but still able to share the hoodie's pocket.

"Petra, you're gonna get us killed." He could imagine a million scenarios where this went wrong, mainly with them flying off the disk.

"No guts, no glory!" She grins before shoving off with her left foot, and they fly down the white hill, laughing all the way.

  



	11. Underwater Kiss

Amber hair swirled around her, a beautiful, enchanting mess. Levi wanted to look away, but it was if his vision was glued to her.

As if part of the ocean itself, she glided over to him, fin moving in synche with the roll of the waves. She was approaching him quickly, he needed to get away. However inside he knew it was pointless. She was one with the sea, anything he could do to swim away would be no match for her.

As expected, she closed in on his pathetic attempts at dog-paddling. Hazel eyes held an intense cruelty that filled him with an unfamiliar dread. He could do nothing as slim arms circled around his neck and dragged him underneath.

Only then did sense come back to him. Levi kicked and screamed, but that only filled his mouth with water. Her grip was vicelike, intent on drowning him it seemed. His vision was getting blurry now, this was it, the end.

Suddenly, he found her mouth on his, and sweet oxygen back in his system. When she parted from him, a smug grin painted her features.

Slowly, he could feel gills form, causing the water to save him, instead of condemn him like earlier. However, Levi barely noticed. Only one thought consumed his mind.

"Mermaid," He growled at the beautiful monster.

She only laughed and laughed as they descended farther into the deep blue sea.


	12. Long Live the Queen

She wasn't always like this, the Witch Queen of Froiya. Once she was only a scared, naive fourteen year-old girl with too big hazel eyes. Petra didn't start out a monster hellbent on destruction. Levi still remembers that time when he was sixteen and just taking up his job of being the new Queen's body guard. Her biggest flaw had been being sheltered and having to take the throne before she was even an adult.

Honestly, he never understood why the King let her take control of the throne at such a young age. Everyone knew the former Queen's death had hurt him beyond comparison, but it was still such a thoughtless action. She was just a child who was still learning all the intricate workings of leadership, and of course she made mistakes. But oh neither the nobles or commoners could accept that.

Assassination attempt after assassination attempt plagued the sunset-haired queen. He did his best to keep her safe, and he managed to keep her alive that first year. Still Petra was obviously rattled by it. Paranoia and insomnia soon settled in. Levi knows because he'd often spent the night in her personal chambers, reassuring her he wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on her head. She only trusted him. The once unbreakable bond she shared with her father was gone. Petra believed he was the only person to not hurt her and to care about her without wanting anything in return.

He can't say she was wrong.

When on her 15th birthday, a distant 'cousin' revealed she had magic in her blood, Levi swears she smiled for the first time in weeks.

"I'm not useless, Levi!" Hazel eyes glowed brightly. "I can be a good queen like Mother!" It was too much for him. He was scared he was falling for the Queen during those days. When she started smiling again and seemed to thrive for the first time in a long time.

It was highly inappropriate, but she was just so bright now he couldn't make himself look away. She was a natural at magic, and with each spell her confidence grew. It's probably the reason he didn't stop her before it was too late.

It came slowly, like a cancer sneaking up on the entire kingdom. First she fried a nobleman who challenged her to a duel. Everyone was terrified by such a display of power, but it had been justified. He would have killed her otherwise.

Then, dear god, she sunk an entire invading fleet. All it took was a few chanting words and a bright light. The ocean opened up and swallowed them whole. It was awe-inspiring and terrifying, but Levi couldn't watch for long. After the spell, his Queen collapsed, and he had to rush her to her bed and a doctor.

The long night that followed was filled with fright. It wasn't until sunrise Petra woke again. His relief was beyond words. It took every inch of his willpower not to embrace her and push his face into her hair, instead choosing a deep bow.

"Why'd you risk yourself like that?"

"I needed to prove I was strong."

"Strong? That's what I'm for." The days of rulers storming the battlefield were over. What did it matter if you could swing a sword but not manage the treasury?

"But the reason why I can barely breathe without dodging an arrow is because they all see me as weak," Hazel eyes narrowed in contempt. "I can't let them even think of betraying me like that again."

This type of thinking was so different from the sweet girl that valued peace above all else. However Levi wasn't a man of words, and before he could format what he could say, she was cupping his face.

"That's why I need  _you_ , Levi," Not Sir Ackerman, Levi. "I can't lose you. I won't be able to survive without you by my side. Promise me you'll stay with me forever."

How could he say no to her? He couldn't. He could barely speak, so he only lifted her hand and grazed his lips against her knuckles. However he couldn't miss the way her face glowed at his acceptance.

Levi thinks that was the last time she was the Petra he was familiar with.

For the next months, she rooted out seditious nobles and squashed commoner uprising before they could start. He was mysterious promoted to Captain of the Guard, only it wasn't a mystery to a single person. Everyone could tell the Queen favored Levi above the suitors brave enough to court her. Gossips wondered if he had deflowered her yet and if he had decided back then to try to grow close to the Queen in order to gain the crown. If Levi cared about what others said, he would have flatly told them he never touched her more in private than he did in public. He would have told them he didn't want power or prestige. He just wanted a young girl to not have to fear for her life every day.

But he didn't say a single word. He just continued doing his job, being her sword. He personally executed several of the treacherous nobles. He was the one who quieted many riots. He didn't care if more blood stained his hand. He'd taint his soul if it kept her's clean.

He had been blind, so so blind. When Petra finally learned who the biggest conspirator had been, her faithful aunt, his Queen had exploded. Never before had he seen her so furious. With her red dress she appeared to be a raging flame, ready to consume the entire kingdom. She personally executed that entire side of her family. Each man, woman, and child. She burned them all to a crisp.

It took that to finally open his eyes. He couldn't ignore her wanton slaughtering anymore. When that night he questioned her about it, she had lashed out at him of all people.

"What could I do? Froiya couldn't survive if I let them get away."

"Petra, you murdered  _children_!"

"Children that would have followed in their parents footsteps." Hazel eyes held no regret over her actions. He had seen many horrors in his eighteen years, but this was the worst nightmare of them all.

"You've turned into a monster. You're nothing but a brat playing god!"

"You still think I'm a child?" That manged to bring life back into her dead eyes. It gave her a dark look of humor. "You think this is a body of a child?" She grabbed his hands and forced them to wrap around her waist. It was only then he noticed she was in nothing but a sheer night gown. Indeed she had grown from the petite thing she was two years ago. Before he could let go and escape this temptress, she kissed him, deep and darkly.

To his surprised he kissed her back.

The next morning, they awoke together in her bed. She smiled brightly at him, as if nothing had happened last night. However, he couldn't relax as she pressed butterfly kisses down his neck.

He could smell the scent of the blood on her hands.

However he couldn't do a thing about it. He loved his black-hearted queen, despite her evil deeds. The noble thing would be to end the Witch's reign, but he couldn't kill her. She had trapped him in her love, and he couldn't escape. Maybe deep down he didn't want to escape.

And so the Witch reigned with an iron fist. As the years passed, she started joining him more when he suppressed riots. She took glee in killing her subjects. Froiya couldn't let those unloyal to her survive she always said. The nobles were more subtle about there complaints now. If she has in a bad mood, she might kill you for the slightest insult. If she really was feeling nasty, she might imprison them, forcing them to live out the rest of their days in fright.

The only whispers she allowed were the ones who questioned when she married. After all, the Queen was approaching eighteen now. Heirs needed to be created, especially after losing an entire line. Petra adored talk about that. At night, she talked about children with copper hair and silver eyes like it was certain. Like she could see the future.

But maybe she could. Her power extended beyond human understanding, and Levi knew once more he wouldn't say no.

Soon she announce their engagement. The crowd politely clapped, only a bit surprised. The option she'd marry to form an alliance wasn't out of the question. She could always keep her knight as a lover. But no, apparently she wanted to mark what was her's.

A feast was held shortly after. They sat side by side, brazenly holding hands. As expected, she gave a speech, boasting of creating a Golden Age to continue forever. During it, Levi couldn't help but notice the way she held her hand to her stomach. The message rang loud and clear.

When it was Levi's turn to speak, he could only say a few words.

"Long live the Queen. May her line reign til the end of time."

 


	13. She Prays

It's a habit Petra's held onto over the years. When her mother died when she was only ten, her father, still grief-sickened himself, had done his best to try to help her cope. He told her whenever she felt alone to pray to her mother, looking down from heaven. That way she could talk to her like she was still alive and with them.

Despite not being very religious, Petra continued that habit through her training. When trying to decide whether to join the Military Police or the Survey Corps, she poured her heart out to her mother. Before her first mission she spilled out all the fears she had. After she met a man she wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with, she asked her mother for advice with that little nervous laugh of her.

The thought of him made her chest tighten with that all too familiar sadness. She was used to loss, but that didn't stop the hurt from cutting into her heart like a knife.

_Come on, Petra. Let's just get this over with. Maybe it will help._

So she kneels in her too empty bedroom and tries to imagine Levi with her mother up in heaven. Knowing him, he'd argue if such a place existed, he'd end in hell. This thought makes her smile, so she tries to concentrate on it instead of the sight of his corpse, bloody and twisted.

"Hey L?" Her voice is shaky and she hates it, but she has too push forward. "I'm really scared. Things aren't just about Titans anymore and these  _children_ are looking up at me for leadership. I've never been a leader like you have, and don't argue you weren't, we both know the squad adored you. I  _adored_  you," She has to choke out those last few words. "Anyway, I miss you so much. There really hasn't been time to grieve. And I'm trying to stay strong, but it's just so hard," Petra has to wipe a tear away. "I wish you could give me some advice. I wish you were here with me, and that things could be like they used to be. There's so many things I wish for, it would take years to rattle them off-" She's interrupted by a knock on her door. With that Petra bolts up and tries to straighten herself up. She can't show weakness, not now.

She opens the door and finds Eren standing there, shifting around awkwardly. "Captain Ral?" The title never fails to come out clunky from his mouth. He still remembers days where they were comrades and gossiped when they should have cleaned. "Historia says she's come to a decision and will play her part as princess."

"Oh that's wonderful!" Petra tries to fake excitement. "Give me one second, I have one thing to take care of." Excellent, work always takes her mind off of things, busy bees don't have time to remember dead friends. However she makes sure to put on the necklace with Levi's ring attached to it. (She doesn't try to imagine what the ring was for.) She tucks it under her blouse like she always does, still it makes her feel more confidant.

_Please Levi, lend me all the strength you can._


	14. It's Been a Long Time Since I Saw You Smile

Other boyfriends bring candies and flowers of all kinds. They drown their loved one with jewels and any trinket they can get their hands on. The calendar says that today is supposed to be dedicated to romance, so they are determined to make them feel like royalty.

But Levi is not one of those boyfriends, and he never claimed to be. He knows he is probably the least romantic person around, but by some miracle of God, Petra doesn’t seem to mind. He’s not one to be too overly-sensitive about this trait, he is what he is. Still some nights he wonders if it is enough for someone so bright and animated as Petra.

So while every good partner is wooing their love, Levi and Petra cave into the lovey-dovey mood and end up watching _Beauty and the Beast_ together. It’s and old favorite of her’s and he can take icy feet, stolen covers, and annoyingly catchy songs if it means getting to see her happy and comfortable.

“It’s been a long time since I saw you smile,” A stupid observation, but the warm grin that settled on her face at the return of such familiar characters is too good to pass up.

“It has?” Hazel eyes are torn away from the screen and meet his. “Sorry, work has just been super stressful.”

“It’s nothing to apologize for. You’re not a doll meant to always be perky and cheery. “

“I know,” Petra curled up further into his side. “I guess I’m just trying to say thanks,” She leaned up and peaked his cheek. “I really needed this today.”

Levi knows he is not one of those romantic boyfriends Petra deserves, but for a moment, he relishes in the fact that he did good.


	15. I Never Meant For It To Go This Far

She is fire, burning, blazing.  Petra was often compared to the sun by love-struck newbies for her kindness and warmth, but they always failed to account for her anger, just as scorching and hot.

“Are you satisfied, Levi?”  Each word is another flame that burns his skin, a flash of light that blinds.

“I never meant for it to go this far.”  Those few words could sum up his life.  Never meant to be more than a street urchin.  Never meant to become Humanity’s savior.  Never meant to be in charge of children who still had hope in their eyes.  Never meant for his attraction to his soldier grow into anything more.  God, he had never wanted the hand dealt to him, but life rarely listened to his needs.

She looks him over, really looks him over.   Petra has never seen him as anything more than a fallible human, but she had to be disgusted with all the cracks peeking through.  He was her opposite, ice, freezing, stealing the heat from everything else.  Levi was the moon, only reflecting the sun’s radiance.

“So we’re just one big accident?”  She tries to stay detached, but it’s impossible for one as passionate as her.  They’ve survived titans, have cheated death more times than Fate allowed, but nevertheless, the two of them still ended in ruin.  No matter what, too many mistakes laid between them for their relationship to ever be repaired.

“Fine,”  She stands up as straight as a rod, refusing to waver in the slightest. “I’ll end this for you then.  Goodbye, Levi.”  

She turns around to leave his office, and in his mind he apologizes for everything.  In his mind he confesses he still loved her.

But in reality, he only sits there and watches her go


	16. Break Me

Discipline.  Logic.  Control.  Those are traits that a superhero needs.  Petra knows this deep down.  Passion is all well and good, but it doesn’t save lives effectively.  She had learned how to balance the two, to stay Petra while working as the Fox.

But those clever self-taught lessons are forgotten, thrown back into the deepest recesses of her mind.  Right now her subconscious is roaring like a lion, demanding blood.

“Where is he?”  She growled as she pinned the villain to the ground with her boot.  “And how do you know his name?”

“Levi’s dead, plain and simple.”

Petra crashed her foot into their throat.  “You don’t get to use his name, now tell me where you guys are keeping him!”

The villain spat up blood.  “I’m not lying, and I’m not the one who attacked him.”

“Liar!”  She pulled her leg up to drop another kick, but in that short amount of time, her enemy escaped.

“I tried warning you, Fox!  I try every time!”

“Stop with the excuses,”  Rage blinded Petra as she raced to catch them again.  She would break their bones, crush their skull, anything to return the pain they caused her.

“I used to think we could stop this, but Fate is a cruel bitch ain’t she?”  They dodged her sloppy moves without batting an eye.

“Don’t play with that cryptic shit!  He would have been safe at home if you hadn’t attacked my office!”

“No he wouldn’t.  Don’t you see every time something different ends up killing him?”  Their was a crack in their voice that hadn’t been there before.  “Don’t you see that no matter what I do, nothing will change.  I used to think like you did, but I just can’t avoid reality anymore.”

Petra’s anger started to waver a bit.  “What are you talking about?  Just who are you?”

Her opponent removed their mask to reveal a set of hazel eyes identical to her.

“A you who has tried to stop this so many times that I don’t even know if I’m human anymore.”  


	17. Sharing Ice Cream

"You should have gotten yourself some too." Petra sighed as the warm summer breeze played with her hair. "I feel bad that you didn't get any ice cream."

"I'm not that hungry." Levi slipped an arm around her waist. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?" She shoved the cone in his face. "It's your favorite, chocolate."

"I said I'm fine." He had to admit though it was tempting.

"Alright," Petra grew quiet. However every now and then she'd look over at him as if waiting for something.

'"Petra-" Levi sighed.

"Yes!" She responded eagerly.

"Can I have a bite?"

"If you insist," However he didn't miss the way she beamed as she shoved the cone back in his face.


	18. Pillow Fights

"Petra we are grown-ass adults, put down that-" Levi was cut off by a pillow right to the face.

"Sorry dear," She laughed as she picked up another white projectile. "All's fair in love and war."


	19. Stupid Plans

Levi was never one for crazy schemes and harebrained ideas. He preferred to leave the heavy thinking to people who knew what they were doing, like Erwin. Regardless he found himself whispering the intricate parts of a long hidden dream to her in the dead of night. It’s something he’s never shared before, but he found himself unable to hold it back as he gripped her hand with all his strength.

“This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had,” Petra refused to mince words, but he wouldn’t have wanted her to have talked to him any other way, “Of course I’m in.”

Levi couldn’t hold back his smile. They might be able to build a future together after all.


	20. I Know

“I love you.” He had never expected to hear those words out his mouth, but there they were; no use pretending not to have a heart when everyone already knew the truth.

Petra doesn’t bat an eye at either those that had captured her or his words, “I know,” She smiles, and for a moment he forgets everything but her.

Slowly she is lowered into the carbonite, and to his horror he realizes the smile will forever be frozen in time.


End file.
